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“Tumblr Stalk” – (or A Fangirl’s Lament)

Below are the lyrics to a comedy song I recently wrote. I’m not writing about anyone in particular, and I’m certainly not advocating any kind of stalking. Luckily, in some cases, the “stalking” on tumblr is just an overly devoted form of following, and it might inspire laughter more than fear. You might say that I was inspired by some of the things I heard at Emerald City Comicon, particularly loud squees from miniature girls with brightly dyed hair…

Tumblr Stalk

Third floor, fourth row, fifth stall down

When I saw you my jaw hit the ground

And the world was spinning round and round my head

Hi, there, I’ll stare, Mister Vendor

Your smile and style are enough to render

A spendthrift to say “Hey big spender” instead

I asked if we could meet again

I said I would be your facebook friend

But you gave me a card with your tumblr address

There was something you were trying to tell me

Other than the comic you were trying to sell me

You hinted that I would lose you unless

I start to tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh

It’s what I have to do—Wuh-Oh-Oh

I’ll click the button “plus” to show my follow-through

And I’ll tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh

3 days, 4 hours, 5 shots later

Since I met the comic creator

And linked to a blog that was far greater than mine

I’ve liked and commented every post

But made not contact with the host

What do I have to do to get close this time?

(Then shivers ran right down my spine)

I saw a notification appear

And, yes, it came from you my dear

You assured me that it was all going to plan

Your message rang out loud and clear

It told me I had nothing to fear

You said “Wow, you are quite the devoted fan”

(Yes, I am)

And I will tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh

I’ll stick to you like glue—Wuh-Oh-Oh

Or at least your blog, which feels like I’m watching you

Oh yes, I’ll tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh

Until my dream comes true—Wuh-Oh

You’re my favorite fav’rite and maybe one day I will be yours too!

I’ll tumblr stalk—

Ev’ry line and ev’ry pic

I’ll star them all ‘cuz that’s the trick

I’ll make you notice—make it stick

’Cuz I’m heartsick without you—

Talk is cheap but stalking is deep

It’s the way to make you mine for keeps

Until your laptop goes to sleep

And I weep

—Until you post again

Morn’ til night I’m your tumblr patroller

I’ll show you I’m a master scroller

And fight off haters and the trolls who don’t deserve to

See what you post—I’m the girl

Who loves you most in the whole wide world

And I knew my plans would soon unfurl ’til I saw photo of her too

With both her arms around you

I’d never known you had a wife

Or else I would not have pledged my life

It’s like you put a cyber knife in my heart

I found her website in a hurry

Ready to unleash my fury

But learned I didn’t have to worry

She’s bi and poly—so I guess that that’s a start

(And you and her and me make three)

I’ll tumblr stalk her too—Wuh-Oh

I’ll learn about your boo—Wuh-Oh

I’ll read some lesbian webcomics so I can get a clue

I’ll follow both of you—Wuh-Oh

I’ll be part of your crew—Wuh-Oh

And one-day we’ll look back and we’ll see what a love we grew

Because I tumblr stalked you—Wuh-Oh

#song #stalking #mikejackstoumbos #puns #tumblr #fangirl #eccc #comicon

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