
“Tumblr Stalk” – (or A Fangirl’s Lament)
Below are the lyrics to a comedy song I recently wrote. I’m not writing about anyone in particular, and I’m certainly not advocating any kind of stalking. Luckily, in some cases, the “stalking” on tumblr is just an overly devoted form of following, and it might inspire laughter more than fear. You might say that I was inspired by some of the things I heard at Emerald City Comicon, particularly loud squees from miniature girls with brightly dyed hair…
Tumblr Stalk
Third floor, fourth row, fifth stall down
When I saw you my jaw hit the ground
And the world was spinning round and round my head
Hi, there, I’ll stare, Mister Vendor
Your smile and style are enough to render
A spendthrift to say “Hey big spender” instead
I asked if we could meet again
I said I would be your facebook friend
But you gave me a card with your tumblr address
There was something you were trying to tell me
Other than the comic you were trying to sell me
You hinted that I would lose you unless
I start to tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh
It’s what I have to do—Wuh-Oh-Oh
I’ll click the button “plus” to show my follow-through
And I’ll tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh
3 days, 4 hours, 5 shots later
Since I met the comic creator
And linked to a blog that was far greater than mine
I’ve liked and commented every post
But made not contact with the host
What do I have to do to get close this time?
(Then shivers ran right down my spine)
I saw a notification appear
And, yes, it came from you my dear
You assured me that it was all going to plan
Your message rang out loud and clear
It told me I had nothing to fear
You said “Wow, you are quite the devoted fan”
(Yes, I am)
And I will tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh
I’ll stick to you like glue—Wuh-Oh-Oh
Or at least your blog, which feels like I’m watching you
Oh yes, I’ll tumblr stalk you—Wuh-Oh
Until my dream comes true—Wuh-Oh
You’re my favorite fav’rite and maybe one day I will be yours too!
I’ll tumblr stalk—
Ev’ry line and ev’ry pic
I’ll star them all ‘cuz that’s the trick
I’ll make you notice—make it stick
’Cuz I’m heartsick without you—
Talk is cheap but stalking is deep
It’s the way to make you mine for keeps
Until your laptop goes to sleep
And I weep
—Until you post again
Morn’ til night I’m your tumblr patroller
I’ll show you I’m a master scroller
And fight off haters and the trolls who don’t deserve to
See what you post—I’m the girl
Who loves you most in the whole wide world
And I knew my plans would soon unfurl ’til I saw photo of her too
With both her arms around you
I’d never known you had a wife
Or else I would not have pledged my life
It’s like you put a cyber knife in my heart
I found her website in a hurry
Ready to unleash my fury
But learned I didn’t have to worry
She’s bi and poly—so I guess that that’s a start
(And you and her and me make three)
I’ll tumblr stalk her too—Wuh-Oh
I’ll learn about your boo—Wuh-Oh
I’ll read some lesbian webcomics so I can get a clue
I’ll follow both of you—Wuh-Oh
I’ll be part of your crew—Wuh-Oh
And one-day we’ll look back and we’ll see what a love we grew
Because I tumblr stalked you—Wuh-Oh
#song #stalking #mikejackstoumbos #puns #tumblr #fangirl #eccc #comicon