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Star Trek Planets

Writer: Mike Jack StoumbosMike Jack Stoumbos

So, something I’ve always wondered about in Star Trek:

Do you think anyone ever finds it narcissistic that most aliens name their homeworld after themselves? Or if not somehow species-centric then at lease not very creative. Ferengi come from Ferenginar, Romulans from Romulus, and Vulcans from–(the most creative of all)–Vulcan. At least Klingons are from Kronos (or Qo’noS), strangely from Greek mythology instead of Roman, another coincidence that no one notices, but never mind…

Okay, so how strange must it seem to them when humans don’t come from Humania? (Or that we don’t capitalize the name of our species?) I think it would make us seem incredibly humble or incredibly primitive. Or both.

But here’s the real question: when humans of the Federation are meeting alien species, and they talk about their homeworld Earth, and the universal translator translates it, what do you think the aliens are hearing?

Hi. We’re from dirt.

As in, “dude, you named your planet dirt?”

Put yourself in their place. Think about it:

It’s kind of hard to believe they’re a civilized technologically advanced people if they named their planet after the ground. Oh, I do not believe you have an impressive steel skyline on Earth; that doesn’t sound much like earth to me.

It’s like my buddy here—he’s from the planet Mud, and he doesn’t have any cities; he has huts. And Mud’s kind of like Earth. See, it’s like earth, but with water. So if you think about it, it’s even better than earth. And Joe over there, he’s from Water, and he says it’s great, so Water plus Earth has to be way better than earth.

And here’s someone from the planet Dust. It’s like Earth, but with a bit of wind and much lighter, and featuring their greatest living author, Dustoevsky who wrote Grime and Punishment.

 
 
 

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